Top Ten Signs Your Relationship Might be Going the Wrong Way...

Woody Allen said, 'A relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.'

Is your relationship a dead shark? 'Ten Dating Red Flags' to help you decide.

Of course, they forgot to mention one or two:

TobytheTeacher's Top Ten Dating Red Flags:

1. You find Voodoo-doll replicas of yourself in your partner's apartment.

2. Your partner refers to you as 'the fat stupid one'.

3. You know how you are going to kill your partner and you've started to shop for supplies.

4. For your partner's birthday, you buy them 'an all expenses paid vacation to the jungle region of north Columbia' and a 'I hate guerrilla fighters' T-Shirt.

5. When out on a date, both you and your partner prefer to talk to homeless people than to each other.

6. Your partner's Father makes a point of showing you his gun collection every time you go to his home.

7. In their office, your partner has a dartboard with your face printed on it.

8. For your birthday, your partner gives you a brochure for a cosmetic surgery clinic.

9. When your partner speaks, all you can hear is a bell tolling.

10. You have decided to sleep with a monkey - just to get your partner's attention.