A Cheater or a Keeper?

With stories about the Pope fighting Aliens, the French killing Lance Armstrong and the English hating the cheating-low-down-dirty-volley-ball-playing-guts of Maradona, I think the blog may have been targeted towards men a little too much recently.

Girls, how to predict if your man will cheat

But, how do you know if you've found a faithful man? A man who believes with all his heart that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you?

There's only one way: Is he fat?

If your man is sitting on the sofa drinking a beer and watching TV, do you know what that is? It's a testament to his love for you.

Why? Because it means he has found the one. He has said to himself, there's no need to go to the gym or play sport anymore. I have found the perfect girl for me.

What does it mean if your man is still going to gym, playing sports, dressing and grooming like a single guy? It means that in at least one part of his head, he is one.

Remember girls, the fatter your man is.. the more he loves you.

Alien Vs Pope

The Vatican have decided to forgive John Lennon for his 'bigger than Jesus' remark.

Speaking of The Vatican, I've been working on movie ideas this weekend. One of the ideas I came up with was 'Alien Vs Pope':

A hidden vault is discovered in Vatican and opened for the first time in hundreds of years. Thousands of alien eggs are inside. Now the Pope must battle an army of alien killing machines to save the world.

There's a great scene where the Pope is driving his 'Pope-Mobile' at high speed through the Vatican, shooting aliens with a machine gun.

...it's violent and religious. I think it would be perfect for Mel Gibson!

Angry Cycle Fans & The World's Greatest Volleyball Player

TobytheTeacher's sports round-up:

Apparently, Lance Armstrong is worried that the French will attack him during next year's tour.

Imagine it: gangs of beret wearing French men chasing Armstrong across France, throwing smelly cheese and perfectly timed sarcasm at him. Uncooked snails will be wasted to coat the roads with snail slime to unsettle his bike. French cigarette smoke will be blown across his path to blind him. Their incomprehensible talk of existentialism will be used to confuse and disorientate him.


Meanwhile in Scotland, the world's greatest Volleyball Player, Maradona, has decided to pacify the English by comparing his 'Hand of God Stunt' with England's 66 World Cup Win.

Ah, Maradona, you crazy-cheeky-cheating-hand-balling-scumbag-cocaine-snorting-boozing-fat-loser-low-life-organised-crime-associating-with-dead-beat-spineless-gob-sh*te, why would you think the English don't like you?!

Good luck Scotland! You crazy skirt wearing lady-boys!

Axl's Chinese Democracy

That crazy kilt-wearing, microphone-the-size-of-your-head-carrying, running-round-the-stage-like-a-child-that-needs-the-toilet, singing-about-dolphins-comas-and-November-rain, front man Axl Rose is back.

Here he is singing about Chinese Democracy

They still ride bicycles,
But they get to vote,
And even though Chairman Mao
Would think it's a f**kin' joke,
It's a Chinese Democracy!
A Chinese Democracy!

Hey Chairman Mao!
Don't have a cow!
It's time for you Reds,
To be red, white and blue,
You don't know how?
I'll tell you how!
Yeah, it's tough to chow,
But hey! Mr Mao!

It's a Chinese Democracy!
Enough Commi-hypocrisy!
It's time for a West-ology!
It's a Chinese Democracy!

(panpipe solo)

Crazy Christians

Christians! Calm down!

Monks fight at a holy shrine

I'd like to point out that if these monks were English football fans and the holy shrine was a football ground, FIFA would insist that the British government take their passports from them and refuse them the right to travel.

Will anybody from the Christian Church be insisting the same thing?

George W, Rare Live Interview

As we come to the end of the US Presidential Elections it's easy to forgot the current President Bush, but here he is in a rare live TV interview

Good luck to both the candidates for today! May the best man win...

But... if you can not decide upon a best man, perhaps it's time to select the best woman: