Thursday 28 August 2008

The Man's Guide to Female English

One for the guys...

Learning better English will help you communicate more easily with a lot of people around the world, but will it help you communicate with women more easily?

Fear not guys, TobytheTeacher - aka 'The Lurve Doctor' is here:


THE MAN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got my period

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

HeY!! ..women are great at saying what they really mean...whatEVER are you talking about???

;)

...but why do you think that women don't ever think of sex, huh?? do you speak from experience here also?? here...i got a few for ya...amanda style...

go ahead and go with the guys....no sex for a week

go ahead and get drunk and stupid...but DONT come home - i'll still have sex...but not with you

lets do dinner and a movie - you pay now and i will get you back later...in the car...and in the yard...and in the bedroom...and in the shower...and yeah....

this kitchen is so inconvenient!! - we ned a bigger table and more room!! and some new pictures for the walls...and some new dishes...and perhaps a shower...;)

hehehe....you've tapped into my dirty little mind, you...

peace**
amanda

tobytheteacher said...

I don't what to say. I come over all English...

Anonymous said...

i'm not sure what you mean with that comment...????....are you saying you are too polite???

tobytheteacher said...

it's a stereotype about the English, no? We have trouble talking about sex. There's a whole 'Family Guy' sketch about British Porn...

...where an Englishman and an English woman are sitting by a fire place in arm chairs, reading. And the man says, 'You know, we could have sex right now.' And the woman replies, 'Yes, we could.' 'But let's not.' And then they go back to reading.

Anonymous said...

well then....i learned something new today...i never knew that about you...;)

tobytheteacher said...

Yeah, I'm very shy!

Anonymous said...

serious?? well then...i guess your pornographic poetry just gives some people the wrong idea....hahaha...

tobytheteacher said...

Moi? Pornographic Poetry? When?

...ok maybe one time. Two at a stretch...

Anonymous said...

i mean...photographic...very, uh...well...nice images..yeah..

not really...but wouldn't it be fun?? smutty smut smut....

Anonymous said...

yes yes...i don't remember that one....but i do remember something about pornography or something...i dunno....i just threw it out there...but...you...you've explained the image well here...you dirty englishmen you....can isay that??

well..i did...

;)

tobytheteacher said...

You can.

Anonymous said...

i gotta go here...this is getting too heated for me...

not really...but...

my mom is getting impatient..says we're on the clock...or something...we gotta go to the corners...gotta make that money...

hehehe... this was fun and silly....

have a good one t....

peace**
amanda

tobytheteacher said...

You too! :)

Anonymous said...

gracias....how about writing a sonnet tonight?? your homework....

:)