Dance Dance, Wake Me Up, Rich & Famous Lifestyles, I Miss You.

There may or may not be a theme today. I may have run out of themes. Or, there may be a complicated woven theme there to discover...

I'm too old to like this song, really. Fall Out Boy, 'Dance Dance'

As a US backed Georgia get cocky with the great bear - clearly the Cold War just wasn't fun enough, Green Day's disarmingly simplistic 'Wake Me Up When September Ends'

'Lifestyles of The Rich and The Famous' - does that have anything to do with the last song? Maybe...

To end with Blink 182, 'I Miss you'. I just like the tone of this song. That is all.


Dance, Dance

She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out a joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too overdramatic
Tonight it's "it can't get much worse"
Vs. "no one should ever feel like..."

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Dance, Dance - We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance - And these are the lives you love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

You always fold just before you're found out
Drink up it's last call last resort
But only the first mistake and I

...I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Why don't you show me a little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress, love

Dance, Dance - We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance - And these are the lives you love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Why don't you show me a little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress (mattress, mattress)
I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

Dance, Dance - We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance - And these are the lives you love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
Dance, this is the way they'd love
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance


Wake Me Up When September Ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends
Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when september ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when september ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends

Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast

Wake me up when september ends
Wake me up when september ends
Wake me up when september ends


Lifestyles of The Rich and The Famous

Only see it on tv
Read it in the magazines
Celebrities that want sympathy
All they do is piss and moan
Inside the rolling stone
Talking about how hard life can be

I'd like to see them spend the week
Livin' life out on the street
I dont think they would survive
But they could spend a day or two
Walking in someone else's shoes
I think they'd stumble and they'd fall
They would fall Fall

Lifestlyes of the rich and the famous
They're always complainin' always complainin'
If money is such a problem
Well they got mansions
Think we should rob them

Well did you know when your famous you could kill your wife
And theres no such thing as 25 to life
As long as you got the cash to pay for cochran
And did you know if you were cought and you were smokin crack
And McDonald's wouldnt even wanna take you back
You could always just run for mayor of D.C.

I'd like to see them spend the week
Livin' life out on the street
I dont think they would survive
But they could spend a day or two
Walking in someone else's shoes
I think they'd stumble and they'd fall they would fall

Lifestlyes of the rich and the famous
They're always complainin' always complainin'
If money is such a problem
Well they got mansions
Think we should rob them

Fall

Lifestlyes of the rich and the famous
They're always complainin' always complainin'
If money is such a problem
You got so many problems
Think I could solve them

Lifestlyes of the rich and the famous
We'll take your clothes, cash cards, and homes just stop complaining
Lifestlyes of the rich and the famous
Lifestlyes of the rich and the famous
Lifestlyes of the rich and the famous


I Miss You

(I miss you miss you)

Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never end

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime
And as I stared I counted
The webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head(6x)

I miss you miss you(6x)

The Women's Guide to Men's English

One for the girls...

Learning better English will help you communicate more easily with a lot of people around the world, but will it help you communicate with men more easily?

Fear not girls, TobytheTeacher - aka 'The Lurve Doctor' is here:


THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S ENGLISH

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

"I'm tired" = I'm tired

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you" = Let's have sex now

"I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look any different!

"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys

"I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!!!

The Man's Guide to Female English

One for the guys...

Learning better English will help you communicate more easily with a lot of people around the world, but will it help you communicate with women more easily?

Fear not guys, TobytheTeacher - aka 'The Lurve Doctor' is here:


THE MAN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got my period

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

US Election Updates

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After all, it'll be nice to know who'll be controlling all of our nations' futures in the coming years!


Now all hail to the chief like good subjects.

...I've gotta get that as a ring tone.

My New Hero

Every so often in life, a normal person, a person from the streets, stands up to be counted - to fight the power:

Man's Pants Password is Changed

Everytime I try to log into my internet banking service, a video just loads of my bank manager pointing and laughing at me... bastard.

Le Binge Drinking?

Mon dieu! It is not just 'zose Anglo-Saxon Monkey Pigs who 'ave zi problem binge drinking!!

Bonjour Binge Drinking


The article sights the problem of alco-pops encouraging young people to drink.

In my opinion, if you're not old enough to taste alcohol, you're not old enough to drink it.

Time to ban the fruity, silly, sugar-sweet, girly-girly, alco-pop drinks!

Drunk Brits and Ambassador's Sex Toys...

Experimenting with Html... this will probably all end in tears! ;)


Uh oh, the British have been drinking too much again:

Some Britons Too Unruly for Resorts in Europe

...the article suggests that Britons only drink excessively when in foreign countries, this is not true - we are quite happy to drink, fight and cause trouble in our own country too! We're very fair like that.


If it wasn't enough that Johnny Foreigner is having a go at out beloved culture of drinking until we can no longer walk, stand, think or crawl particularly well... one of are own is doing it too! Bad Jamie Oliver:

Oliver criticises alcohol culture

Food? More important than drinking alcohol? Run that one by me again...


...clearly when you need to relax, instead of all this drinking, just do what the Israeli Ambassador to San Salvador did ...oh no wait, he was drinking too:

Naked, drunk, surrounded by sex toys - it's the Israeli ambassador

...ah Monsieur Ambassador, with these sex toys you are really spoiling us!

The Difference Between Men and Women...

Nothing funny has happened in the news... nothing. So, instead, eh... some actual English practise - when was the last time that happened on this blog??? ...a friend forwarded me this a while ago. Sorry, I don't know where it came from:


Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor:

The professor told his class one day:

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me.

"The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."


The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca and Gary.


THE STORY:(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.


(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.


(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.


(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.


(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F_KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"


(Rebecca)

A**hole.


(Gary)

B**ch


(Rebecca)

F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!


(Gary)

Go drink some tea - w**re.


(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

Do You Remember Teen Wolf?

Ok. The blog has been getting a little serious of late. Back on form with a funny video...


Do you remember Teen Wolf? Micheal J Fox. The 80s. High school. 88 miles per hour Marty! That's the power of love! ...wait was that Teen Wolf? Anyway, I don't remember it being like this (oh yeah, rude words!!):

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/1e5af33246

...I remember watching Teen Wolf on a bus to London (school trip to the science museum - rock n' roll!), half way through the movie, one of the older kids at the back of the bus shouted, 'this film is rubbish! It's just like Teen Wolf 2!'.

Some people shouldn't go to the science museum - there's no point.

Elements of Style

It's not all Chuck Norris jokes and Clint Eastwood movie references, no no, here on TobytheTeacher's blog there's something for everyone... so, for the girls - eh... fashion like things.

(Obviously, I have no actually understanding of any of this so I'll probably fall flat on my a*se.)


Have you ever wondered how to build a modern wardrobe? I know I have! Try some design classics that are as fresh as they are timeless...

http://shopping.yahoo.com/articles/yshoppingarticles/129/elements-of-style/

...you see, this is why I wear a black suit and tie, white shirt combo - a classic never dies. Fashions come and go people, but style, style is permanent. ;)

What's Going On? Trouble Man, Inner City Blues..

I've got that back to work feeling... it's like that back to school feeling. The only difference is, tomorrow I'll be at the front of the class not the back.

Three tracks by Marvin Gaye. Marvin helps.


'What's going on?'

http://www.deezer.com/track/906853


'Trouble Man'

http://www.deezer.com/track/1101755


'Inner City Blues'

http://www.deezer.com/track/906861

..what is striking about the lyrics of all three of these songs, is how relevant they still are today. This means, as a society, we westerners have learned nothing in the past 30 years.

Still, I guess it's a small price to pay for being able to still relate to Marvin Gaye songs.


'What's Going On?'

Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya

Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Ah, what's going on

In the mean time
Right on, baby
Right on
Right on

Mother, mother,
Everybody thinks we're wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today - Oh

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see

What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Tell me what's going on
I'll tell you what's going on - Uh

Right on baby
Right on baby


'Trouble Man'

I come up hard, baby
But now I'm cool
I didn't make it, sugar
Playin' by the rules

I come up hard, baby
But now I'm fine
I'm checkin' trouble, sugar
Movin' down the line

I come up hard, baby
But that's okay, cause
Trouble man
Don't get in the way

I come up hard, baby
I'm in for real, baby
Gonna keep movin'
Gonna go to town

I come up hard
I come up, gettin' down

There's only three things
That's for sho'
Taxes, death and trouble, h'oh!

This I know, man, is
This I know, sugarGirl,
Ain't gon' let it sweat me, baby

Got me singin'
Yeah! Yea-aah!
Hoo-ooo-ooo

Come up hard, baby
I had to fight
Took care of my bid'ness
Wit' all my might

I come up hard, awful hard
I had to win
Then start all over
And win again

I come up hard
But that's okay, 'cause
Trouble man
Don't get in my way
Hey, hey!

I know some places
And I see some faces
I've got the connections
I dig my directions
What people say, that's okay
They don't bother me, oh yeah

I'm ready to make it
Don't care what the weather
Don't care 'bout no trouble
Got myself together
I feel the kind of protection
That's all around me

I come up hard, baby
I be for real, baby
With a trouble minds
Movin', goin' to town

I come up hard
I come up, gettin' down

There's only three things fo' sho'
Taxes, death and trouble

Ooh, this I've known, baby, ooo!
This I've known, baby
Ain't gon' let it sweat me, baby
Woo!

I'm on the ground, yeah, yeah!'

Woo, I come up hard
But now I've cooled
I didn't make it, baby
Playin' by the rules

Come up hard, baby
Now, I'm fine, I've
Checkin' trouble, sugar
Hey, movin' down the line

FADES:Oooh.


'Inner City Blues'

Dah, dah, dah, dah
dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah
Dah, dah, dah, dah
Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah
Dah, dah, dah

Rockets, moon shots
Spend it on the have nots
Money, we make it
'for we see it you take it

Oh, make you wanna holler
The way they do my life
Make me wanna holler
The way they do my life

This ain't livin', This ain't livin'
No, no baby, this ain't livin'
No, no, no

Inflation no chance
To increase finance
Bills pile up sky high
Send that boy off to die

Make me wanna holler
The way they do my life
Make me wanna holler
The way they do my life

Dah, dah, dah
Dah, dah, dah

Hang ups, let downs
Bad breaks, set backs
Natural fact is
I can't pay my taxes

Oh, make me wanna holler
And throw up both my hands
Yea, it makes me wanna holler
And throw up both my hands

Crime is increasing
Trigger happy policing
Panic is spreading
God know where we're heading
Oh, make me wanna holler
They don't understand

Dah, dah, dah
Dah, dah, dah
Dah, dah, dah

Mother, mother
Everybody thinks we're wrong
Who are they to judge us
Simply cause we wear our hair long

Economic Migration is Fantastic!

Isn't economic migration great? As an economic migrant to Luxembourg, I have taken a skill of no particular value in my own 'home' country - speaking English - and moved to a different country where it is of, dare I say it, quite high value. Ignoring for the moment that I actually live here because I wanted to be near my little brother as he grows up, I am here, essentially, so I can earn more money.

This is, of course, also true of the other 200,000 or so johnny-foreigners that work in Luxembourg. I have not heard many complaints about us. I don't see any EU inspired strategies to curve this dangerous influx of non-Luxembourgish talent into darling little Luxembourg. And yet, economic migrants are vilified across the EU. What's the difference between them and us? Really, we have all moved countries to have better lives. What is wrong with that?

There are few more curious places to find anti-immigration rhetoric than Italy. Are they any other nationalities that have made more of migrating to other countries? None of the rest of us would have any decent restaurants if it wasn't for immigrant Italians.... and yet:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/aug/17/familyandrelationships.roma


...in the interests of balance, this is in no way a singularly Italian problem. Ah, the UK:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/immigration


If you don't fancy sifting through all the articles, this one is particularly interesting:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/aug/08/eu.immigration


If you look at the numbers for immigration in the UK, it's not particularly high relative to our population. Then, if you factor in the number of people that leave the UK each year (like me - sick of the rain and the food), the impact on our total population is smaller still. The jobs that are 'taken' by immigrants are more often than not, jobs that English people are not prepared to do (we are a precious people nowadays - all want to be footballers and pop stars). The UK would, quite simply, not function without economic migration.

Personally, I would solve immigration thus - for every migrant that arrives in the UK ready to work and contribute. We should exchange them for one lazy unemployed English person. After a couple of years of living in a poorer country, they'll probably appreciate the idea of being in the UK and actually do some work for their money.

To bring the blog full circle, virtually half the population of Luxembourg is made up of economic migrants. Nasty, evil, money grabbing economic migrants. Can someone point to tangible evidence that Luxembourg is worse for us being here? Are there 30 million economic migrants about to descend upon the UK? Or 29 million about to land upon the shores of Italy? I don't think so.

So, a quick question to end with, in regard to this whole economic migration thing... what's the big f*cking deal?

Happiness is a Well Educated Gun?

Now we all love national stereotypes... the Germans have no sense of humour, the French are arrogant, the Italians disorganised, and the English, the English make stupid jokes about other nationalities (did you see what I did there?) ...but really, Americans, this is stupid:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7564654.stm


Chris Rock on Gun Control (he says it so much better than I could):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdJGcrUk2eE


Don't really like Tori Amos' music, but here she is doing The Beatles track 'Happiness is a Warm Gun':

http://www.deezer.com/track/95501

'Happiness is a Warm Gun' (as with many covers, Tori sings the same lyrics but in her own order)

She's not a girl who misses much.
Do do do do do do, oh yeah
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane.

The man in the crowd with the multicolored mirrors
On his hobnail boots
Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy
Working overtime
A soap impression of his wife which he ate
And donated to the National Trust.

I need a fix 'cause I'm going down.
Down to the bits that I left uptown.
I need a fix 'cause I'm going down.

Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun.

Happiness is a warm gun
(bang, bang, shoot shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun
When I hold you in my arms
And I feel my finger on your trigger
I know nobody can do me no harm
Because happiness is a warm gun.
Yes it is.

Sir Penguin and My Favourite Penguin Jokes

Finally, a Royal Honour that makes sense:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7562773.stm

Having reached such a senior military position, the Penguin is now a front runner for taking over control of the rebuilding of Iraq.


My favourite penguin jokes:

A penguin walks into a bar and says to the barman, 'I'm looking for my brother. Have you seen him?' The barman replies, 'I don't know. What does he look like?'

Two penguins are walking Antarctica. The first penguin turns to the second and says, 'It looks like you could be wearing a tuxedo.' To which the second penguin replies, 'Maybe I am.'

Music We Hate to Love...

Posting the song 'Don't Stop Believing' got me thinking... songs we're embarrassed we like.

Here are few of mine... not the most embarrassing, mind you. More therapy is required before that...

When people ask me about my daily routine, I reply to them, 'Well.... (comedic pause) I get up! And nothing gets me down...' Van Halen, 'Jump':

http://www.deezer.com/track/6724


I blame this one totally on too much time spent playing GTA Vice City. Spandau Ballet, 'Gold':

http://www.deezer.com/track/151284


This one is shameless.... 'I was made for loving you' by Kiss:

http://www.deezer.com/track/81


And finally, those cheeky chappies Bon Jovi, Livin' on a Prayer:

http://www.deezer.com/track/921480


'Jump'

I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest soul around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real

Oh can't you see me standing here,
I've got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen.
Oh can't you see what I mean?

Might as well jump. Jump !
Might as well jump.
Go ahead, jump. Jump !
Go ahead, jump.

Aaa-ohh Hey you ! Who said that ?
Baby how you been ?
You say you don't know, you won't know until we begin.

Well can't you see me standing here,
I've got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen.
Oh can't you see what I mean ?

Might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump.
Might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump.
Jump!

(guitar solo)
(keyboard solo)

Part of the video version: Aaa-ohh!

Might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump.
Get it and jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump

Jump!
Jump!
Jump!
Jump!


'Gold'

Thank you for coming home
I'm sorry that the chairs are all worn
I left them here I could have sworn
These are my salad days
Slowly being eaten away
Just another play for today

Oh but Im proud of you, but I'm proud of you
Theres nothing left to make me feel small
Luck has left me standing so tall

Gold
Always believe in your soul
You've got the power to know
You're indestructable
Always believe in, because you are

Gold
Glad that you're bound to return
There's something I could have learned
You're indestructable, always believe in

After the rush has gone
I hope you find a little more time
Remember we were partners in crime
It's only two years ago
The man with the suit and the pace
You know that he was there on the case
Now he's in love with you, he's in love with you

And my love is like a prison wall
But you could leave me standing so tall

Gold
Always believe in your soul
You've got the power to know
You're indestructable
Always believe in, because you are
Gold

Glad that you're bound to return
There's something I could have learned
You're indestructable, always believe in

(repeat)


'I was made for loving you'

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do

Tonight I wanna give it all to you
In the darkness
Theres so much I wanna do

And tonight I wanna lay it at your feet
'cause girl, I was made for you
And girl, you were made for me

I was made for lovin' you baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can't get enough of you baby
Can you get enough of me?

Tonight I wanna see it in your eyes
Feel the magic
Theres something that drives me wild

And tonight were gonna make it all come true
'cause girl, you were made for me
And girl I was made for you

I was made for lovin' you baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can't get enough of you baby
Can you get enough of me?

I was made for lovin' you baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can give it all to you baby
Can you give it all to me?

Oh, can't get enough, oh, oh
I can't get enough, oh, oh
I can't get enough
Yeah, ha

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do

I was made for lovin' you baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can't get enough of you baby
Can you get enough of me?

Oh, I was made, you were made
I can't get enough
No, I can't get enough

I was made for lovin' you baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can't get enough of you baby
Can you get enough of me?

I was made for lovin' you baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can give it all to you baby


'Livin' on a Prayer'

Once upon a time
Not so long ago

Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike
He's down on his luck...it's tough, so tough

Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love - for love

She says we've got to hold on to what we've got
'cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - well give it a shot

(Chorus:)
Whooah, were half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and well make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer

Tommy's got his six string in hock
Now he's holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, its tough

Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers baby its okay, someday

We've got to hold on to what we've got
'cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - well give it a shot

(Chorus)

We've got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got

(Chorus)

Isaac Hayes - Sing-a-Long Tribute

Isaac Hayes has died:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080810/ap_on_re_us/obit_isaac_hayes

Let's have a special TobytheTeacher Sing-a-Long in tribute to the great funkster!

Where else could we start, but here? The theme from 'Shaft':

http://www.deezer.com/track/5040

...'who's the blond English teacher that's a sex machine with all the chicks?' ...hihi, I can hear all of you laughing. Thanks.


I drive around my Rover pretending it's a pimp-mobile to this track - 'Joy Part 1':

http://www.deezer.com/track/1095341

...honestly, the track I listen to is the full version - but it's around 16 minutes long.... and in my head my Rover has a leopard skin seats, pink leather, a disco ball, and I'm sitting in the back... in a jacuzzi, with a mini-bar and Jessica Alba - but she has a huge Afro. ...damn.


Finally, Isaac as Chef from South Park. What more can I say? ....let's all suck on Chef's chocolate salty balls...

http://www.deezer.com/track/25280


'Shaft'

Who's the black private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?

(Shaft!)
You're damn right

Who is the man
That would risk his neck for his brother man?

(Shaft!)
Can ya dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's danger all about

(Shaft!)
Right on

You see this cat Shaft is a bad mother--
(Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Shaft
(Then we can dig it)

He's a complicated man
But no one understands him but his woman
(John Shaft)


'Joy - Part 1'

Every morning when I rise, baby
I look into your sexy eyes, baby
Your love refreshing is good to me, baby
There`s no other place I`d rather be, baby

What a way to start each day
Everything I think of
Just comes my way
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

(CHORUS)
Cause you`re my joy
You`re everything to me
And you`ve shown me
How groovy life can be
Lips to lips, heart to heart
In a way that will never part

Sweetness is the name for you, sugar
And loveliness becomes you too
Dedication is your thing, mama
You`re forever true to your man, baby

You`re the only one
Who thrills me through and through
And I`ll never find another
If I search this whole world through
Oh, no, no, no

(CHORUS)

Now you know why
I smile all the time, baby
You give me such peace of mind, honey
Heartaches and pain is
A thing of the past, baby
I found happiness at last, mama

Anything you want
I`ll glady give to you
Cause you never did nothing once
That`s why I love you too
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

(CHORUS)

Keep on loving me
Keep on teasing me.....


'Chocolate Salty Balls'

Two tablespoon's of cinnamon,
And two or three egg whites.
A half a stick of butter?
Melted?

Stick it all in a bowl baby.
Stir it with a wooden spoon.
Mix in a cup of flour, you'll be in heaven soon.

Say everybody have you seen my balls they're big and salty and brown.
If you ever need a quick pick me up just stick my balls in your mouth.

Oooo suck on my chocolate salted balls stick 'em in your mouth, and suck em!
Suck on my chocolate salted balls, they're packed full of vitamins, and good for you.
So suck on my balls.

Quarter cup of unsweeten chocolate, and a half a cup of brandy.
You throw in a bag or two of sugar and just a pinch of vanilla.
Grease up the cookie sheet.
'Cause I hate when my balls stick.
Then preheat the oven to three fifty and give that spoon a lick.

Say everybody have you seen my balls they're big and salty and brown.
If you ever need a quick pick me up just stick my balls in your mouth.

Suck on my chocolate salted balls. Put em in your mouth, and suck 'em!
Suck on my chocolate salted balls, there packed full of goodness, high in fiber.
Suck on my balls.

[sniff, sniff, sniff]

Hey, wait a minute. What's that smell?
Smell like something burning.
Well that don't confront me none. Long as I get my rent paid on Friday.
Baby you better get back in the kitchen.
'Cause I got a sneak'n suspicion.
Oh man baby,
Baby!
You just burned my balls!

Help me, my balls on fire ?????
Baby my balls are burning give me some water!
Pour some water on me!
My balls are burning
Oh my goodness,
I'm blow'n I'm blow'n do somethin'

Oooo Suck on my chocolate salted balls. Put em in your mouth, and suck em!
They're on fire baby!
Suck on my chocolate salted balls,
Put em out baby, blow ohh

Suck on my balls baby
Suck on my balls baby
Suck on my, red hot, salted, chocolate balls
come on baby woo, woo
suck on my balls.

[blow blow]

What Has Your Boss Been Reading?

You might have just been on holiday, but maybe your boss / manager took some extra reading with them to freshen up their managerial approach. The BBC claim to have provided all you need to survive. And I, your humble servant, have posted it for you all to use:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7540649.stm

...personally, I'd be more worried if my boss was reading one of these books:

The History of Torture and Execution: From Early Civilization Through Medieval Times to the Present by Jean Kellaway

The Most Evil Dictators in History by Shelley Klein

A Short History of Slavery by James Walvin

Brainwashing: The Science of Thought Control by Kathleen Taylor

Dr. Snake's Voodoo Spellbook with Doll by Doktor Snake

...hihi, Doktor Snake's Voodoo Spellbook - I'm buying that one! Look out lazy clients... I'm gonna get voodoo on your a*ses!

Don't Stop Believing...

According to yahoo, the most downloaded golden oldie is 'Don't Stop Believing' by Journey:

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/chart_watch/12235/chart-watch-extra-the-10-most-downloaded-golden-oldies

For those who deezer:

http://www.deezer.com/track/568820


...personally, I prefer the Family Guy version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZenAVfw58_c


...as the article explains, the real the reason the song is so popular now is that it was used in the finale to The Sopranos (spoiler, of course):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnT7nYbCSvM&feature=related


...again I have alternative preference, the version HBO didn't want you to see - the director's cut (once again, spoiler):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EwUG2nSLdw&feature=related


For those of you who fancy a good sing-a-long:

'Don't Stop Believing'

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

(chorus)

Dont stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlight people

Bernie Mac

Actor and Comedian Bernie Mac has died...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080809/ap_on_en_mo/obit_bernie_mac

Here's Bernie Mac talking about taking on his sister's kids...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeCVUIoBkWg&feature=related

...as a foreign speaker of English, if you can understand Bernie Mac, it means you're fluent.

Top Ten Things Never To Do At A Wedding:

http://food.yahoo.com/blog/foxyfestivities/4998/10-things-to-never-do-at-a-wedding

...they forgot to mention the following:

1. Arriving at the Wedding dressed as a Jedi Knight.

2. Bringing a Monkey as your date.

3. Insisting that the DJ play the Dead Kennedys Song 'Too Drunk to F*ck' over and over again.

4. Sitting in the front row of the Church wearing a huge novelty Mexican hat.

5. Sit silently in one corner pretending to smoke a banana, refusing to accept that it is not a cigar.

6. Stand at the back of the Church shouting, 'Get to the cake cutting!' throughout the ceremony.

7. Break dance.

8. Label all the Wedding Presents 'Property of TobytheTeacher'.

9. When the Wedding Photographer tries to take your photo, scream, 'He's trying to take my soul!!!'.

10.Take bets on how long the marriage will last.

Italian Troops, French Rwanda, British Genocide and Men Cry...

News News News

Not sure I can / want to find the humour in any of this...


Troops are being deployed in major Italian cities. You can have your say here:

http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?forumID=5197&edition=2&ttl=20080806201532

This reminds me of a quote, 'There's a reason you separate military and the police. One fights the enemies of the state, the other serves and protects the people. When the military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the people.*'


Bad times 'south of the olive line', the French have been accused of actively participating in the Rwandan genocide:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7545168.stm

Before I get jumped on, and in the interests of balance, let us remember that France is not the only European power to be accused of / involved in such things:

http://www.victorianstation.com/boerwar.htm


On a slightly lighter side, 80 reasons why men cry:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7544985.stm

...what makes TobytheTeacher cry? (notice the sudden use of the third person to distance myself from the actual question) ....the incorrect use of the Perfect Tense, Ferrero clients' insistence of using the phrase 'in line' for every possible expression of consistency, coordination or standardisation, and teaching a client for 30hrs, at the end of which, they still say 'I am car'.

...there are a few other things as well, but they're nobody's business but my own ;)

Toodle-Pip!


*Quote is from the first season of the revamped Battlestar Galactica, Commander Adama.

The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight is coming to Luxembourg next week. I feel it is my duty to encourage you all to watch films in English. Shall we indulge in a little hype?

Utopolis link:

http://www.utopolis.lu/film.php?id=5228&room=1



Reviews Reviews Reviews (the last one by my good buddie, Yvonne):

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2008/jul/25/actionandadventure1


http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dark_knight/

http://www.rollingstone.com/reviews/movie/16155928/review/21477208/dark_knight

http://ithadbetterbegood.blogspot.com/2008/08/dark-knight.html


Still, I can not see why they didn't keep the original theme music for Batman...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI2mhvadTlY&feature=related


...Now, why would that in any way damage the dark overtones of the new Batman?



Positive praise for The Dark Knight has been almost universal, but not everybody in Gotham loves Batman:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4d6d5673d4

...reminds me of when my car insurance went up by £200 a year because my car needed to be insured against being used in a terrorist attack. I don't know why, but I found it hard to believe that Osama Bin Laden was sitting in a Afghan cave saying, 'Ok, we have the weapon of mass destruction. We have the fake IDs. We have maps to the city and information regarding Police deployment on that day. Now, all we need is the correct type of car.' Terrorist A pops up and suggests, 'A Mercedes?', to which Osama replies, 'No, too flashy.' Terrorist B interjects with, 'A van?', frustrated, Osama counters, 'Always with the vans! Can us terrorists think of nothing original?!' Nervously, terrorist C raises his hand and says shyly, 'TobytheTeacher's 1997 bright red Ford Escort Turbo Diesel?' 'The one with all the hubcaps missing?' 'Yes.' 'And 200,000 miles on the clock?' 'Yes.' 'That stalls every time you put it into reverse?' 'Yes.' Osama grins, 'Perfect!'

British Music: Madness, Kinks and Special Jam!

Music Music Music...

For those who are interested, you can find all of the songs from July in one playlist on deezer.com:

http://www.deezer.com/#music/playlist/10011208/1302677

...hope that works. It's been hurting my monkey brain a tad. ...but, I think a 'TobytheTeacher album' could be in the offing ;)


And onto today... British music like all aspects of British culture suffers from that double-edged sword of speaking the same language as the Americans. Our language is not our own. It is the way it is, because of another country.

It would seem to me that Italian language and culture very much belongs to the Italians. Their music, thankfully, therefore also belongs to them (I joke, I joke because I love). British music does not always do this.

The Beatles, for example, are not a particularly British band. Their music began heavily influenced by American music and their cultural references throughout their career are, for the most part, generic. The song 'Penny Lane' is, in my opinion, a fairly glib attempt at observing British culture.

Don't get me wrong. This is no bad thing, but it did lead certain bands to willfully move in the opposite direction. To be, almost stubbornly, British.

I know before I do this, that a lot of this music could leave people cold... it is of its island. That rainy crappy island of green fields and bad food, of street sirens and hot dog stench, of hard curbs and polite queues, of stability through apathy, of fighting for fighting's sake, of being mad bad and dangerous to know, of island monkeys, of being the oldest of European democracies and yet a monarchy, of compromise, of bloody mindedness, of tyranny but a sense of fair play, of class but ashamed of wealth, of inventing revolution but preferring evolution, of Britain - whatever the hell that might be?!


Madness. Hardly a surprise, coming from Britain. 'Our House':

http://www.deezer.com/track/16553

There a few more British bands than The Kinks. Unlike The Beatles who were massively popular in America, The Kinks failed to break America. This lead them to write distinctively British songs. 'Sunny Afternoon':

http://www.deezer.com/track/6715

....'the taxman's taken all my dough', that he has, that he has. Still, I'm sitting here with my ice cold beer.... so things are none too bad.


This should be the national anthem here in Luxembourg. The Specials with 'Rat Race', indeed it is:

http://www.deezer.com/track/35714


And finally, The Jam. 'That's Entertainment', I love the different images of inner city England in this one:

http://www.deezer.com/track/32430


That be that. If you have any suggestions for songs you'd like to see featured here, then please send them on a postcard to 'TobytheTeacher Rocks! 12 Bofferding Street, Ober-Nieder-Dange, Luxembourg.'

Toodle-Pip!

'Our House'

Father wears his sunday best
Mother's tired she needs a rest
The kids are playing up downstairs
Sister's sighing in her sleep
Brother's got a date to keep
He can't hang around

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our

Our house it has a crowd
There's always something happening
And it's usually quite loud
Our mum she's so house-proud
Nothing ever slows her down
And a mess is not allowed

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our

...Something tells you that you've got to get away from it

Father gets up late for work
Mother has to iron his shirt
Then she sends the kids to school
Sees them off with a small kiss
She's the one they're going to miss
In lots of ways

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our

...I remember way back then when everything was true and when
We would have such a very good time such a fine time
Such a happy time
And I remember how we'd play simply waste the day away
Then we'd say nothing would come between us two dreamers

Father wears his sunday best
Mother's tired she needs a rest
The kids are playing up downstairs
Sister's sighing in her sleep
Brother's got a date to keep
He can't hang around

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our

...Our house, was our castle and our keep
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, that was where we used to sleep
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our street


'Sunny Afternoon'

The tax man's taken all my dough,
And left me in my stately home,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.

And I can't sail my yacht,
He's taken everything I've got,
All I've gots this sunny afternoon.

Save me, save me, save me from this squeeze.
I got a big fat mama trying to break me.
And I love to live so pleasantly,
Live this life of luxury,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.
In the summertime
In the summertime
In the summertime

My girlfriend's run off with my car,
And gone back to her ma and pa,
Telling tales of drunkenness and cruelty.
Now I'm sitting here,
Sipping at my ice cold beer,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.

Help me, help me, help me sail away,
Well give me two good reasons why I oughta stay.
'cause I love to live so pleasantly,
Live this life of luxury,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.
In the summertime
In the summertime
In the summertime

Ah, save me, save me, save me from this squeeze.
I got a big fat mama trying to break me.
And I love to live so pleasantly,
Live this life of luxury,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon.
In the summertime
In the summertime
In the summertime


'Rat Race'

You're working at your leisure to learn the things you'll need
The promises you make tomorrow carry no guarantee
I've seen your qualifications, you got a Ph.D.
I've got one art O-level, it did nothing for me

Working for the rat race
You know you're wasting your time
Working for the rat race
You're no friend of mine

You plan your conversation to impress the college bar
Just talking about your mother and daddy's Jaguar
Wear your political T-shirt and sacred college scarf
Discussing the world situation, but just for a laugh

You'll be working for the rat race
You know you're wasting your time
Working for the rat race
You're no friend of mine
Working for the rat race
You know you're wasting your time
Working for the rat race
You're no friend of mine

Just working at your leisure to learn the things you don't need
The promises you make tomorrow carry no guarantee
I've seen your qualifications, you got a Ph.D.
I've got one art O-level, it did nothing for me

Working for the rat race
You know you're wasting your time
You're working for the rat race
You're no friend of mine


'That's Entertainment'

A police car and a screaming siren
A pneumatic drill and ripped up concrete
A baby wailing and stray dog howling
The screech of brakes and lamp light blinking
That's Entertainment.

A smash of glass and a rumble of boots
An electric train and a ripped up 'phone booth
Paint splattered walls and the cry of a tomcat
Lights going out and a kick in the balls
That's Entertainment.

Days of speed and slow time Mondays
Pissing down with rain on a boring Wednesday
Watching the news and not eating your tea
A freezing cold flat and damp on the walls
That's Entertainment.

Waking up at 6 a.m. on a cool warm morning
Opening the windows and breathing in petrol
An amateur band rehearsing in a nearby yard
Watching the tele and thinking about your holidays
That's Entertainment.

Waking up from bad dreams and smoking cigarettes
Cuddling a warm girl and smelling stale perfume
A hot summer's day and sticky black tarmac
Feeding ducks in the park and wishing you were far away
That's Entertainment.

Two lovers kissing amongst the scream of midnight
Two lovers missing the tranquility of solitude
Getting a cab and travelling on buses
Reading the graffiti about slashed seat affairs
That's Entertainment.

Tony Vs Gordon, Luxembourg and Bond, James Bond

Nothing funny is happening in the world. Nothing. Not a jot. Oh why couldn't Tony Blair become a woman this week?! That would have been funny. There would have been a lot of jokes about that. Thanks Tony. Thanks a lot!

Instead of becoming a woman, Tony is just bitching about the guy who took his job - nice:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/aug/03/gordonbrown.labourleadership

It's not a fair thing. It's not a just thing. In fact, it's a stupid thing. But, nevertheless, the truth is, voters in the South East of England will never elect a Scottish Prime Minister. If Labour want to win the next election, Gordon's gotta go.

Country profiles. The BBC does country profiles on its website (yes, I know... but really, there wasn't anything funny - nothing!). This is the one for Luxembourg:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/country_profiles/1061821.stm

Ney ney ney, the Luxembourgers are not going to be happy. The BBC have described their beloved Luxembourgish language as a 'dialect of German' - great steaming turingers!!!!! That's gonna make you spill your Bofferding!

I also notice that both the expressions 'tax evasion' and 'fraud' are used in the country profile - now be fair BBC, we still have a functioning aristocracy and monarchy in our country... if that isn't a whooping example of both 'tax evasion' and 'fraud', what is?


Finally, test your James Bond knowledge...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7533129.stm

8/10. Not good enough in my opinion. Not, 007 enough.

Schéinen Dag Nach!

(Luxembourgish for 'have a nice day' ...I don't think a Luxembouger has ever said that to me. I wonder why?)

Snooker, Arguements, University and Lazy Sundays

For all your Fridays... videos to help pass the day until freedom ;)


If only snooker was really like this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYp8Bl5AdEw&feature=related


Ah, this actually might be of linguistic value. Argument Clinic with Monty Python:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teMlv3ripSM


The British Education System is a complex and varied one. University Challenge with The Young Ones:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj36uQ0De6I&feature=related


And finally, Lazy Sunday? Too right:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/8e38f03701


Have yourselves resplendent weekends!

...of hazy sunshine and lazy days, of hours stretched by food and booze, of conversations of nothing and everything, of life shared with those you live for, of time spent in the richest moments, simply enjoyed as one.