How To Deal With Workplace F*ckers

How to Deal with Workplace 'Frenemies'

What are 'Frenemies' I hear you all ask?

Well apparently, 'Frenemies' are people at work who pretend to be your friend but then screw you for their own advantage. I call these people 'F*ckers'.

TobytheTeacher's Top Ten Ways of Dealing with Workplace F*ckers:

1. Plant a landmine in their office.

2. Pay a Voodoo Doctor to curse them.

3. Use a laser-beam to cut them in half (Do you expect me talk? No, Mr Frenemie! I expect you to die!)

4. Install a hidden piranha pit in front of your desk. Then tell the F*cker you want to see them in your office.

5. Have sex with their pets.

6. Create a fake Facebook profile for them with only pictures of S&M, Nazis and Michael Bolton on it.

7. Once a day, go into their office (when they're not there) and move something. Start with something very small like a pencil. Then each day move something larger - until one day they enter their office to find their desk on a totally different side of the room (The Mason Family used to do this).

8. At lunchtime, sneak into the F*ckers office and leave a whip, a set of handcuffs, some nipple clips, a prison guard uniform and Max Mosley. Then leave a message for your boss saying the f*cker urgently needs to see him / her in their office.

9. Tell Chuck Norris that your frenemie said his was not that hard and that Jean-Claude Van Damme could 'have him' in a fight. Then sit back and wait.

10. Whenever you see them start crying and say, 'I heard the news. I just want you to know - I think you're really brave!'. Then refuse to say anything more.


Finally, the Jean Claude Van Damme Website (for the ladies)