Evaluation Reports

It's evaluation report time for me... again. Hate paperwork with a growing passion.

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Don't think I'll be using any phrases like these... I like to be a little more constructive:

• Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

• I would not allow this employee to breed.

• This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.

• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

• When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

• He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

• He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

• This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

• This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

• He’s got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

• A gross ignoramus - - - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

• He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.

• He doesn't have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.

• I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

• He’s been working with glue too much.

• He would argue with a signpost.

• He has a knack for making strangers immediately.

• He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

• When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

• If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he’s the other one.

• A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

• A prime candidate for Natural de-Selection.

• Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

• Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

• Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

• If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

• If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.

• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.

• One neuron short of a Synapse.

• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.

• Takes him 1.5 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

• The wheel is still turning, but the hamster is dead.