An Egyptian Living in London

Hello,

As with the OndemandEnglishSupport.com Blog, I'm trying something new:  instead of linking sites on my 'TobytheTeacher Facebook Page', I'm going to start linking them here.

This will make the links more assessable to all.  The links will still appear on the Facebook page, but as a page on this blog rather than a stand alone link.

As I've already said on my TobytheTeacher Facebook page, from now on General English links will be posted here.  Business English links will be posted on the OndemandEnglishSupport.com Blog.


For today:  An Egyptian living in London from the excellent BBC World Service website - long live the Beeb!

Business English Listening Comprehensions Are Boring

Business English listening comprehensions are so boooring:

Listen to the recording and choose the best response a), b) or c) for each phrase.

1. Why was Daniel so difficult to work with?

a) blah blah blah
b) blah blah printer software blah
c) blah late for meetings blah blah


If I made listening comprehensions, they would be like this:

1. Why was Daniel so difficult to work with?

a) He was a two thousand year old vampire.
b) He wore 'MC Hammer' pants to meetings.
c) He liked to touch himself.


2. I need support to do my job.

a) Buy more expensive underwear.
b) Have you considered Prozac?
c) Perhaps you should go on a diet?


3. Does Peter give his colleagues any problems?

a) Well, he slept with Bob in accounting's Father.
b) No, just the light of Jesus.
c) He likes to warm their chairs for them.


4. Your staff are off sick all the time. What's the problem?

a) They're drunks.
b) They don't like your face.
c) They're a product of a bankrupt western culture that sets unrealistic Utopian social aspirations & at the same time expects an unparalleled level of disposable income, therefore making happiness in the modern world impossible.


5. There's a lot of work. I really need an assistant.

a) Have you considered doing less of it?
b) Yeah, and I really need a night with a Pussycat Doll, but it's not going to happen!
c) And some deodorant.


6. We simply don't have enough staff.

a) For what?
b) Spare me your Marxist ramblings.
c) Put caffeine in the water cooler.

A Natural Death for Jan Moir?

People of the World! Looking for an excuse to hate the English? Here's one: Jan Moir's hateful article about Stephan Gately's death.


We English get a lot of justifiable abuse about being a nation of football hooligans with rubbish food, but 'the middle English' seem to escape being stereotyped & abused by other nationalities.

Is it because they're so desperately polite when they come to your countries? Don't be fooled by it, they despise you every bit as much as the hooligan. You should hear the things they say about you, once they've returned to the safety of leafy suburbia. They provide the words for the hooligan's marching tune.

Those passively aggressive polite little village hate-mongers with their faux moralizing. And what do you get when you boil down all the twee suggestion and mock-polite innuendo? Their belief that England would be a lot better of if we were all white, christian, and heterosexual.

But if they're right (excuse the pun), why do they feel the need to disguise their message? Have you ever noticed how it's only the hateful that need to dress their beliefs up in fake polite & pseudo-moral tones? The good simply speak from the heart.


To finish, here's an excellent response to Jan's dross posted on the Enemies of Reason blog. A very good excuse for the people of the world to not hate the English: we do at least pick ourselves up on our sh*t.

*If you're on Facebook, you can register your complaint here.

Hollywood Vs The Bechdel Test: Public Enemies?

Maybe I'm just getting old; but as much as I enjoyed just watching Michael Mann's 'Public Enemies', do we really need another 'two men set against each other in the arena' movie?

It was very well done, but what exactly is the difference between Depp & Bale in 'Public Enemies' and De Niro & Pacino in 'Heat'? Or Cruise & Foxx in 'Collateral' for that matter?


I'm reminded of The Bechdel Test, where you should only watch a movie if it satisfies the following three rules:

1. There are at least two named female characters, who...

2. ...talk to each other about...

3. ...something other than a man.

I have seen a lot of films and right now, I can honestly say, I can not think of a single one that passes this test. What exactly does that say about Hollywood (or, indeed, my taste in films)?

Should Hollywood really still be making movies that glorify violence when we're in the midst of sending boys off to war? You can't really tell me that they don't look up at that big screen, filled with guns, glory & noise, and not make the connection. However somber the overall tone of 'Public Enemies' may be, you can't help but look at it and think it's cool.

A few months back, I watched Robocop for the first time in years. I remember, as a 13 year old boy, loving the blood, gore and ED209 of this movie. But as a 32 year old man, I was amazed how much the violence shocked me.

I think it might be time for Hollywood to ditch the Macho Fairy Tales, as a genre they have done well and to death. And start to consider a broader world view. Or maybe it's just that I'm getting old.

The Great Silvio Berlusconi?

Forget Jesus, Capernicus was a nobody and Einstein did nothing special: Silvio Berlusconi, aka 'The Pimp of Sardinia', has declared himself inferior to no one in history.

But few people realise the true extent of Silvio's ambition. He is, quite simply, too big for Italy. As part of the Berlusconi media empire (Silvio bought my blog last year), I can exclusively reveal the next stage of his master plan:


In a similar guise to the Vatican City State, Silvio is going to declare the island of Sardinia his own country. He is yet to decide upon a name for his new country, but favourites include: 'Sil-dinia' and 'Berlusconi-Berg'.

Of course the island itself is far too small to contain Silvio's ego, and an extensive land development plan will begin soon. This will include building out into the sea to reshape the island into an exact scale replica of Silvio's own body.

This will make Silvio's body, along with the Great Wall of China, the only man made objects visible from space*.


*According to this article there are actually many things visible from space, but the joke doesn't work if I list them all.

Taking Chances

Ciao English Learning Chaps & Chappettes,

It has been a while, hasn't it? I hope all is well in your worlds. I must apologise for my absence, but I've been caught up in the act of setting up my new business:

www.ondemandenglishsupport.com


During my absence, I have learned a number of things: firstly, that I'm much happier having no money & being stressed by a business I believe in, than I was having some money & being stressed by a job I didn't.

Secondly that when using the 'dance exercise' on my Wii's EA Active game, the more stupidly I dance, the more fun I have.

And thirdly that in life it is better to suffer for what you really want, than to suffer for what you only thought was possible.


I actually knew the third point when I was 19, said 'no' to what was expected of me and decided to try to be a filmmaker.

But I'd forgotten it in the last few years. And had wondered whether middle class expectation was, in fact, best for me. Luckily, the last few years have demonstrated clearly, beyond any sense of doubt, that is not the case.

I have always been an anxious person upon whom failure bore heavy, but it never stopped me from taking chances. Not until recently, that is. It feels good to be taking chances again.

Best of luck to all of you with the chances you are taking in your lives.

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