British Political Lies Vs Italian Political Lies

Ah, the contrasting politics of Europe: In Britain an MP is in trouble for claiming a £5 donation as expenses; whereas in Italy, dearest Silvio has managed to block the release of photos of topless girls at his New Years party.

British politics are so boring. Our politicians can't even get away with trying to claim back £5! Silvo's living like rockstar! We used to have an Empire! What happened to our capacity for corruption?


But there is one British politician who even Silvio can not compete with:

In Mexico he is simply known as, 'El Bandito del Sonrisa Gato'. The Native Americans call him 'He who speaks with the sincerity of snakes'. In ancient Babylonian scripture his coming is foretold as 'The Great Tide of Bullsh*t'.

I speak of no other than the crowned prince of shiftiness: Tony Blair. Let's remind ourselves of one of his greatest lies.


Ah Silvio, you gifted, funny amateur. Will you ever learn to lie with that much sincerity?

Toxic Personalities

Yahoo is back with 8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid. I want to be sarcastic about this, but I can't! I agree with all of them.


Of course there is one toxic personality in particular, not mentioned on the list, that we should all avoid:



But Kim Jong Il's recent nuclear developments may make him hard to avoid. The BBC is here with an interesting breakdown of the situation.

With the world going the way it is, there's all the more reason to avoid the 8 types people listed above.

So Lonely, but Nuclear

Troubling times in North Korea. Fortunately the UN have dispatched their top weapons inspector Hans Blix. Let's take a look at how that goes.


Of course it's not Kim Jong-il's fault. Afterall, he is very 'ronery'.

Los Lyricos:

I'm So Ronery
So ronery
So ronery and sadry arone

There's no one
Just me onry
Sitting on my rittle throne
I work rearry hard and make up great prans
But nobody ristens, no one understands
Seems like no one takes me serirousry

And so I'm ronery
A rittle ronery
Poor rittle me

There's nobody
I can rerate to
Feel rike a bird in a cage
It's kinda sihry
But not rearry
Because it's fihring my body with rage

I'm the smartest most crever most physicarry fit
But nobody else seems to rearize it
When I change the world maybe they'll notice me
But until then I'rr just be ronery
Rittle ronery, poor rittle me

I'm so ronery

..soon he will have nuclear weapons. Oh good.

Stupid Not Drinking

Uh oh! The authorities in Rome have decided to ban alcohol for Wednesday's Champions League Final.

But will it be enough to stop the English fans from acting stupid?

I think it's important to note that English people do not become stupid simply because they have been drinking, the English people in question were already stupid before they started drinking. Drinking provides an excuse for the stupid behaviour. The behaviour itself is inherent.

The problem is, NOT being able to drink might also be enough of an excuse to act stupid.

One Balled Dictators

When I was at primary school (5-11) in England, being young multi-cultural Britons, we used to sing a song that reflected our deep understand of, and sensitivity to, 20th Century European history:

'Hitler has only got one ball,
The other is in the Albert Hall.
His mother, the dirty b*gger,
Cut it off when he was small.'


Until this day, I never realised it was true. And apparently Adolf H wasn't the only fun-loving-wacky-crazy-European-Dictator to pack meat, but only one veg: General Francisco Franco also only had one Tic Tac in the box.

Is there a connection between being a dictor and only having one ball? Did Mussonlini keep only one onion in the onion bag? What about Sadam Hussein? Or Margaret Thatcher?

Stupid, More Stupid, & Totally Stupid.

Ouch! I just banged the back of my head on the wall behind me laughing too hard at South Park. God punishes the little sins right away... I wonder if it will make me more stupid?


Speaking of stupid, A German man loses 23,000 euros by driving an open top car down the motorway.

Careless for a German, they are usually such sensible, efficient people; though it was an efficient way of losing the money. Most of us would just lose money down the back of the sofa. It would take a very long time to lose 23,000 euros down the back of your sofa. And it probably wouldn't be very comfortable to sit on.

Uh.. I'm starting to feel groggy. I think I must have banged my head quite hard. I'm almost certainly going to be more stupid because of this.


Speaking of more stupid, An Italian man dies trying save his car from a train.

I wouldn't die for my Rover. And it's an authentic classic car. Really, think about it. You can't buy Rovers anymore. You can buy BMWs. You can buy Audis. But you can't buy Rovers.

Uh, really... I'm feeling dizzy. I think I'm going to pass out. I going end up totally stupid.


Speaking of totally stupid, a Polish man cuts his own head off to impress his mates.

Maybe he'd just banged his head laughing too hard at South Park, and decided to cut it off to take the pain away?

Original Movie Quotes

The Guardian is here with the top ten Movie Misquotes of all time.

But how about quotes that were in the original scripts, but, for some reason, did not make it to the finished films:


1. James Bond - 'I'm feeling a little vulnerable after killing all those people. Could we just cuddle tonight?'

2. Braveheart - 'Oh I do hope the English colonise us today!'

3. Citizen Kane - 'I want my sledge! I want it! I want it!'

4. Silence of the Lambs - 'Do you want fries with that?'

5. Titanic - 'Look, we'll win their tickets, go on the boat, sail to American. What's the worst that could happen?'

6. My Girl - 'I dare you to play with this bee.'

7. The Matrix - 'Nobody can be told what the matrix is.' 'Then why the hell are you still talking to me?'

8. Saturday Night Fever - 'Dude, what you doing Friday?'

9. Desperatly Seeking Susan - 'Has anyone seen Bob?'

10. Superman - 'Sorry, I can't help you.'

Funny World Leaders

Do you remember a simplier time when World Leaders were content with simple things like running their countries?

But no more! Now world leaders have to be funny: Obama's Comedy Routine.

Of course no World Leader can match Tony Blair's joke of 2003: take part in an invasion and subsequent rebuilding of a country that the British Empire first built in 1914. Funny.

Berlusconi Vs Prince Philip

I've just been reminded that Berlusconi is not the only public figure prone to gaffes.

When searching for inappropriate public behaviour, the aristocracy is always the best place to start looking: Prince Philip's Royal Gaffes.


But that doesn't mean it's plane sailing for Silvio, his 18 year old friend has decided to comment on her relationship with Papi Silvio.

"When Papi Silvio calls, I come!"

Hmmm... I wonder if that will make things better or worse between Silvio and his wife.

Berlusconi Blog

I'm going to have rename this blog the 'Berlusconi Blog': Time Magazine's Worst Berlusconi Gaffes.

If you combined the activities of all the other European leaders for an entire year, it would still not be as entertaining as Silvio's activities for one week. For example:

This week, Gordon Brown (UK Head Hypocrite - aka Prime Minister) was critised in Parliament. Yawn! Boring!

This week, Silvio Berlusconi demanded an apology from his wife for suggesting he consorts with minors. Not boring.


Silvio then went onto blame the Italian media for the story, which did confuse me: doesn't he own the vast majority of the media in Italy?

Perhaps Silvio agrees with Oscar Wilde:

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."

The Ancient Caves of Berlusconi

In Italy, they've been exploring the system of caves beneath the city of Naples.

Researches claim that the millions of meters of caves were first built by the Ancient Greeks, but I think the caves may have just been built by Silvio Berlusconi to enable him to visit 18 year old girls who live around the city.

Silvio was, of course, alive in Ancient Greek. Silvio is so old, he is the only human being that predates the written word. Before the written word if people wanted to know about an historical event, they would simply ask Silvio to sing about it.

This, in turn, explains why Silvio sees no particular problem with spending time with an 18 year old girl. When you are over 6,000 years old, everybody is a lot younger than you.