No God, Crazy Swedes, New Job Titles and Jokes for Kids

Hello Hello, Greetings, Salutations, De-embarkations and lost reservations,


Scientists in Europe has decided to spend $5.8 dollars disproving the existence of God:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080628/ap_on_re_eu/doomsday_collider


...in theory this machine will prove that the 'Big Bang Theory' is correct. In will, in effect, tell us why we are all here - at least in a physical sense. And so, as with Sun or Moon Gods of yesteryear who were forgotten once we understood concepts like orbit, so it should be with Creation Gods.

Scientific proof that there was no six days and then one of rest, which when you think about it, is kind of strange as God could have made the Earth orbit further from the sun and thus had an eight day week and two days off. ...or he could have made the Earth larger, thereby making it's own rotation slower - meaning that each day would have been longer, which, in turn, would mean that he could have had more time on each day, and probably got the job done in - say - four days instead of six.

Don't get me wrong... I don't actually expect anything to change. I don't expect the Pope to say, 'Well, that's it, I guess. I'll just collect my things and I'll be out here... is it ok if I keep the big hat?'

...but social change has, in my opinion, always been driven by technology - not people, not religion, not Art. Fire changed the world. The wheel changed the world. The Romans with roads, The British with railways and ships, The Americans with airplanes and the bomb.

Tangible proof that there is no God within all our lifetimes. Potentially the most important technological advancement since human beings first learned how to harness that bright, shiny thing that burnt their hands when they tried to touch it... no?


I don't know about the rest of you, but I've long since suspected that The Swedish were, well, better than the rest of us. More democratic, more socially enlightened, really good furniture for affordable prices... but it turns out, they're just as insane as rest of us:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7479758.stm

...this reminds me of a conversation I was having with a Swede, when I was describing my job to them and they said, 'Oh you're like a linguistic consultant', and I said, 'No. I'm a f**king English teacher.'

Fancy job titles for the same pay... I wonder how far you could take it?

Toby Davis - Pan-Galactic Supreme Over-Lord of English, Omni-Dimensional Purveyor of Grammar, Grand-High-Inquisitor of Syntax, Supreme Master of the Semi Colon, Vocabulary Arch-Cardinal, Idiom-Wizard of the low and the high brow, manipulator and orchestrator of clauses, Trans-Siberian Ruler of Conjunctions, the Preposition Pimp, Reverse-Temporal Cross-Conceptual Ultra-Flexible Uber-Introspectional One Hundred and Ten Percent All Across the Universe Jumping Jack Flash Once Upon a Time in the West Cool Hand Luke f**king English Teacher.

Jokes for kids, part II:

Q. What has four legs but can't walk?
A. A table!

Q. Why did the turtle cross the road?
A. To get to the Shell station!

Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. You crack me up!

Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!

Q. Why did the elephant eat the candle?
A. He wanted a light snack!

Q. Why is the letter "G" scary?
A. It turns a host into a ghost

Q. What has 4 eyes but no face?
A. Mississippi!

Q. What did the spider do on the computer?
A. Made a website!

Q. What letters are not in the alphabet?
A. The ones in the mail, of course!

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 789!

Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A. Because it felt crummy.

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!

Q. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A. A little horse

Q. What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese

Q. Why did the sheep say "moo"?
A. It was learning a new language!

Q. What streets do ghosts haunt?
A. Dead ends!

Q. What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A. The Space bar!

Q. What exam do young witches have to pass?
A. A spell-ing test!

Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Q. Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A. Because you dribble on the floor!